Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
FUCK WHALES
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
