like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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