U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
