I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
