Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
