Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
