I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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