I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
