The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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