Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
