Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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