I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
