i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
