I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
