just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
