yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
