I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i think i just lost a toe
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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