slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i drank out of a bidet.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
