dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
