forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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