it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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