i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You ruined the universe
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
