omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
