I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
