How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
