i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
