i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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