I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
