The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
