Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
