Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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