Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
