but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
