thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
