i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
