Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
