She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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