well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
