in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
