dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize