There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
