until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize