I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
