I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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