walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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