she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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