boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
