I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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