And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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