the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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