At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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