omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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