I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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