Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
