Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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