I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize