I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
