how can u be prego again
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
