life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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