And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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