Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
