am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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