The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
