On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Still dying that you shit outside
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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