I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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