apparently the secret to your success is patron
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
