Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
