Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
