Betty ford says i'm here all night
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
