All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
